Making Gay Friends and satisfy Girls: The Ultimate help guide to Good Queer Socializing | Autostraddle

By | August 26, 2023

Y’all involve some dilemmas meeting gay individuals. We realize this because provided we have now had homogay ‘internet presences’ you have been asking united states learning to make queer friends/meet ladies. We’ve
answered you, periodically

But it seems that perhaps not occasionally enough:

Although Laneia is convinced she’s really the only lesbian in Phoenix (I’m positive this is not therefore, some one please straight back me personally upwards inside responses), many of us here on group Autostraddle have a relatively healthy posse of queer friends. Or perhaps it would appear that method whenever we build for homogay events/marches/parties/prides tri-annually.

We feel totally fortunate for this therefore we have chose to get the soldiers and answer the question “how would I meet some other queers?” forever.


+ If you are looking for an answer to the concern “just how do i hit on chicks?”, there is a write-up regarding:

Just how to Get Chicks


+ thinking about “Best ways to date a chick?” We’ve a write-up for that:

10 Straightforward Procedures For Precisely Courting a Lesbian


+ interested in getting a female to fall asleep over? Coincidentally, there is an article for this, also:

8 Steps Every woman may take to Get a lady to Sleep Over


+ Interested in revealing a unique snack along with your unique brand new friend/’special’ friend?

Top 10 Snacks


Do you want? Let’s start.

On the Job:


: GET A POSITION! No truly. Go get work. It does not need is
a gay work
. Though I’ve had those. Jobs in the Straight community are usually teeming with undercover gays. If you see a printer jam, wait approx 2 mins and most most likely a gay lady will arrive to correct. In my opinion, standard ol’ tasks are usually best places to get to know different homosexual ladies, whether for friendsies, FWB, or future partner material. If you’ll find slimmer pickins’ at Your Job, all the healthier.

Fit for a Femme

: Hang out in which friends and family work, if applicable. Some body I’m sure just met a fairly thing to munch on this way not too long ago.


: If
the co-workers understand that you’re a homogay
, they will certainly nearly certainly attempt to introduce you to or establish you due to their gay cousin/sister/bff/roommate/etc.

Shows for Queer Musicians



I have met the majority of my personal queer pals at
. Gay ladies tend to be pretty intent on promoting their unique neighborhood homosexual performers, so get browse certain programs. In the event your area features an all-female group subsequently which is good place to start, their shows will likely be filled with possible queer buddies. I find it easiest to create pals with the artists on their own since you already have reasons to strike up a conversation with these people: to share with all of them which you enjoyed their show. Inquire further if they’re playing next, and head to that certain also. Just hold appearing.

Join any Club/Team That Can

Maybe you have as a Member

Intern Hot Laura


Have you got a

cycle co-op

in your city? We gamble you do, and I also bet there are a lot of adorable ladies caught with bicycle grease to their noses. Even though you you should not fulfill anyone, you’re able to discover ways to develop a bicycle that’s similar to carrying around a lighter in case a lovely girl requests a light just much better since you will appear their own their unique recovery and fix their broken tire.


: Join a

publication nightclub


creating class


DIY photos workshop

– actually, Do-it-yourself such a thing works.


Go right to the

roller derby

All of the queer ladies are at the roller derby. Them all. Roller derby is wall-to-wall lesbians and I’ve seen numerous women strike upwards brand new relationships while you’re watching a game title. It really is simple to accomplish since if there’s one thing that roller derby followers love, it is discussing their unique knowledge of the online game with novices. Anytime absolutely a group in your city, get see them perform. Saddle up beside a group of attractive girls for the suicide seating (where most of the serious fans stay) and ask these to give an explanation for rules for your requirements. I think you’ll make some brand-new buddies in no time.

On the web

We’ve got mentioned the online world several times as the best way to meet other gays. Demonstrably here is the internet, so we’re biased, but we have discovered nearly all of our friends listed here, or via Riese’s past blogs (that’s where most of the group comes from — readers of her weblog in addition to buddies she found through people, etc).
We listen to OKCupid is anything
, also.

Intern Emily


Find some body on autostraddle who life towards you. Provide them with the e-mail. Go for a walk. Walks tend to be cost-free.


: maybe it’s various today, but when I happened to be an infant (23) we responded to an advertising on craigslist w4w by a female whom stated she had been bi, went along to Columbia, played football, enjoyed ‘420′ and wanted other bi ladies going aside with and become buddies and brave the scary queer world collectively. Initially we met it had been absurdly embarrassing it had gotten increasingly better right to “more comfortable than i’m with any person, actually.” We’ve been through plenty together — a lot of life phases! — so we’re still buddies today, and it’s really through her intrepid web friend-gathering that I met Lainy, just who came across my personal
now-best-friend Haviland
on friendster after which welcomed her to a thing that I found myself also at, that is the way I found Haviland. So! The point of that is:
craigslist might be something
? The answer to it getting non-intimidating had been that people both earnestly wanted brand new buddies, yannow?


: discover a queer lady exactly who writes a weblog with a lot of emotions and deliver her email messages regarding your emotions. Browse books. As soon as the queer girl with a blog starts an internet journal, help the lady. Accost men and women on gchat. When the queer lady with a blog has functions and presents one to her friends, end up being really nice in their eyes and say situations with your mouth and vision. If one of those is very nice, write them an email and stay their unique friend. Be truly truthful and just take a lot of anti-anxiety medication. Don’t get an alternate lifestyle haircut until you genuinely wish to. Purchase at least one v-neck. Smile.

Intern Emily

Begin a blog
. Write in it for 2 decades. Just take a 3-day hiatus and require people in your area to email you.


Start a blog
create an internet site .
following employ people to end up being your friends for free.


Put “queer-friendly” or “LGBT friendly” inside craigslist article while the girls should come a-runnin’, with a great amount of gay friends of one’s own in pull. You eliminate like 40 wild birds with one stone and certainly will listen to Tegan & Sara



In A Ladies Studies/Gender Reports Class

You can check completely this directory site of
LGBT/Queer Studies products
at universities all around the country! Also you should participate in class. The girls who participate will be the hottest.



Women’s researches classes are a fantastic spot to meet ladies: everyone’s virtually a feminist currently so you can have brainsexy talks, which are an excellent option for continuing in pubs after class. Enjoy yourself with those hot profs, though.

At the LGBT Campus cluster in college or university or High School

This might be Taylor’s NYU LGBT Cluster


: In school, before I became really out or highly determined, we started nervously attending multiple activities held by our college’s LGBT company. Fast ahead annually and I also was working on-campus queer classes weekly, and that I’d scored a vast posse of enthusiastic forward-thinking activist gays, the same as that! Before we worked for all of our LGBT office we thought super bashful at queer activities, therefore if your own college features a working LGBT organization, deciding on joining or using and diving right in. The LGBT office turned into a moment residence, that has been ideal for between-class naps and meeting hotties, without a doubt.

Intern Emily

: visit your class’s queer dance club. It will be uncomfortable. You might go on a lunch date with a lovely girl whom delivers her gf. You could make some pals though.

Gay Bars and Gay Events!

Obviously this is often an intimidating circumstance, but lots of getting-to-know-other-girls at these pubs won’t happen with one original shameful go to. You must return back. And return. And get back. And finally you have no choice but to feel comfortable indeed there, since it is someplace you are going a great deal. Subsequently perhaps you will speak with complete strangers or get 25 people to kiss you for the 25th birthday. It’s a thing, you can keep score on your own supply with a pen. If you live in nyc,
GO mag comes with the a lot of thorough, up to date bar/event listings

Intern Emily

: head to a gay bar. Get really drunk and talk to everybody else.


When you are at homosexual bar or lesbian night, you are going to consider thoughts like ‘nobody here desires to speak to me’ or ‘everyone right here has a sweetheart’ or ‘why tend to be lesbians so intimidating’ and you should reduce all of those thoughts and include these with a unique feeling and that brand new feeling is actually ‘whatis the worst thing that may occur, we’ll get declined?’ and I also UNDERSTAND I’M SURE I KNOW that seems petrifying, as though getting rejected is the worst thing which could ever before occur as a human existence. But it’s actually maybe not — your confidence is actually sexier than the dress is ever going to be, and girls are so unusual and also countless issues/reasons to potentially reject you that you can’t get anyone rejection privately. Simply create visual communication. State hi. It does not have to be intimate. Imagine yourself within her sneakers and contemplate how you’d want their to approach you.


: you shouldn’t be a scaredy cat! Go to a bar/club/show alone. In reality, this is one way I met my wife 5.68 in years past.

Some General Tips


Sarah Croce

: we had previously been timid. My answer? Develop moobs. Determine what is awesome about yourself and confidently hit right up discussions with random folks. They don’t need to be homosexual. Oftentimes you’ll find many girls are bi, or inquisitive, or have gay pals. Direct everyone loves to inform you obtained gay buddies as well as constantly think you ought to hook-up together like there is some kind of gay drought and in purchase to prosper and save yourself the lesbian race everyone should mate feverishly. Its like they don’t know we can not procreate. As well as always ask just how lesbians have sex.


Begin Modest, Build a Lesbian Posse:

Jess R

: Create your own Lesbian Posse. You only require a few some other homosexual buddies to begin – inform them to invite a few other queers they are aware (without having any kind of homosexual buddies – they actually do!) and plan little activities for yourselves like supper at a condo, flick evening, bowling evening, ski/hiking tour, etc. create a weekly thing which means you have one thing to anticipate so when the months go by the lesbian cellphone tree increases longer and longer and after a couple of months you will have your very own Lesbian Posse.


End Up Being Brave:

Intern Emily

: unfortuitously, fulfilling new people means you have to be fearless and approach them and speak with all of them and discover things to discuss and spend a lot of time obsessing with what to put on, etc. It’s a lot of personal anxiousness and you might choose to require some tablets for this, additionally, you think excellent after.


Be Antique and Project Beyond Your Own Rut:


: Get outside the rut. I notice plenty girls whining about how it’s the same men and women, the same women, wah-wah-wah. Drive to a regional area, simply take that practice underwater, motorcycle it, coach it, but do not be prepared to meet brand-new, exciting girls by-doing the exact same shit which includesn’t worked for at this point.

Additionally, end up being conventional. Imagine there is net and remember what it’s like to be courteous and grateful and authentic IRL, and increase real invites and cultivate real long lasting relationships. It’s easy for factors to fall through cracks with internet-based associations; they need to be nurtured for reals. Being antique reminds us all a little of what must be done to steadfastly keep up the sorts of relationships that people want!


Gays tend to be almost everywhere:


: bear in mind in

The Wizard of Oz

in which Dorothy knows that exactly what she needed was a student in her backyard/home/heart your whole time? You’re a gay person, while desire carry out things/go places. Odds are other homosexual folks additionally enjoy these things/places and are also most likely currently there! Browse around your own job/library/capoeira class/favorite coffeeshop/yarn store/whatever and most likely you will find queer men and women truth be told there. Like actually, if there are many more than 10 folks in this building its mathematically totally possible that might be some other person there who is also a massive gaymo. You just need to be courageous and keep in touch with individuals and never end up being bashful about getting gay yourself; might probably be really relieved and reply in type.


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